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好一陣子前上網突然間看到韓國網站選入我去年的設計，選中並刊登在電腦設計雜誌上，我猜大概是我的名字很像韓國人吧！所以被選入他們的作品中，不過自己是相當的意外就是了，很難想像自己的設計會出現在自己都看不懂的文字網站上，真的是覺得不可思議。 

That night I'd a weird dream again. I cutted people's abdomen and grabbed 2 people's heads out of different people's stomach. The heads I grabbed were from people's stomach and those heads were covered with sticky liquid. I felt the sticky liquid with drops on the ground. Those heads were smiling at me with those evil temperament. They had bodies with tiny one as octopus but struggling as asthma. Their face reflected from swaying light appeared to be darker colour and dreadful. Also, the dream remains killing with blood around.

I start having strange dreams again, the dream I've been killed by different methods. I still feel that was a vivid dream and I almost lost my breath when I woke up. This time, I was killed on horse by spear stabbing into my heart and I was in General suit about hudrend years ago. Another dream was I was murdered and burried in a discarded or understructured garden. That place was dark and I saw people rebuilding the floor. I followed a guy who was about 32years old, good built but bold and seemed to be my housemate. Afterwards, I was hitted and burried.

我今天深深的被這句話感動了, 讓我知道為自己活下去的信念!

今天硬著頭皮看牙醫去，原本想說不要到緊要關頭才去看醫生，有問題先處理好。好不容易鼓起勇氣，去看了醫生；檢查結果就說還不是很嚴重，多拖個幾天等痛到不行再來看醫生。他用了一些藥測試看我的疼痛嚴重程度，結論就是多拖個幾天再來看，好像是我去給他鬧場似的。心裡頭是極度的不甘願，難道真要到痛到像出人命一樣才能看醫生嗎？
以前在諾丁漢看醫生，牙醫生的服務好到我沒話說，覺得英國看牙醫是一件享受的事情；到了曼徹斯特，牙醫生像是一個只會坑人錢的冷酷吸血鬼（不只說話態度，還外加面部表情！）上次看的時候還跟我說要收錢，我想說我是學生照理是免額才是，怎收起我錢來了。他只告訴我，要怪就怪英國總理吧！不然你就回你的諾丁漢看你原本大學院內的醫生算了；還外加分析說搭火車多少，又不一定可以退錢。最後還跟我結論一句「時代變化，政策變化；沒有事情是一定的道理。」還好像一付是我找他麻煩。

I had a very strange dream that I was in a village as a visitor. That village is an old living style which applied torches for light in the evening. The location seems to be in South East Asia, like in Cambodia. Those people are all non-Chinese look but very Asian face living in straw-built structure. Forest around with the cry of insects. People spoke in different language which I don’t understand. I just know in that dream, women was bullied and humiliated by their tribe leader who is a 50s year old man. He took young lady about teenage as a kind of sacrifice ritual for their god by having sex. He abused this ritual with various excuses to have sex with any young ladies who are from poor family and can’t afford life no mentioni to fight back that leader. I can’t remember the complete dream but several girls were crying and telling me by a certain chronicle memory and images inputting into my head of how they were tortured and those strong sorrow feeling of how cruel it could be was transmitted to me. I could even feel the pain from their bodies and sense that vulnerable, defenseless and fragile sadness from their mind. The final scene before I woke up was a pregnant female in age 17 or 18 who looked dingy in smeared white robe to be sent to cremate her body because she was raped by that tribe leader when she was in pregnancy of week 30s. After the rape or their so-called ritual for god, she was miscarried and I saw her legs open under her robe and had vagina bleeding mixed with other mucus as kind of a running sore festering. She was yelling, shouting, crying out loud and struggling to get rid of four men’s lifting. I could even sense her nervous breakdown and then I woke up with the impression of her open legs with festering in blood and mud.
When having this kind of dream and waking up from such a dream, I don’t feel good and feel sorry for them. This is some dreams that I wonder whether I am sick or my mental ability has problem. Those dreams are so vivid as if I was there and experienced through what people feel. When I was in the dream, I sometimes want to get out of there and was very aware of being in sleep and didn’t want to suffer those dreams to carry on. Last few days, I dreamed that I was about to sleep and had another dream of getting myself out of my dreams. My brain is too active and I want to stop it once a while. Why not having some normal dreams? Or how come I have dreams like this? People are dead, coming back or I am looking for a way to get of the scene in my dream. Do I really sleep?
The image of this young aged raped girl is so strong no to get rid of easily. Her helpless and perplexed look from the expression in her eyes had me like taking the picture of that scene and file in my brain which can’t be deleted. This is a dream in the language that I don’t know and can’t communicate with the people there. Every dream may have its meaning of whatever my mental or physical problem. I wonder whether I am so sick to stop those inerasable scene from my memory or I may even confuse those with movies or reality as if I’ve seen somewhere before.
Maybe I can script for movies and sell it to make good income. Oh, God!!!

自己像個流浪者,
但是自己又不停的主宰自己的意志,
他人的行為不斷的在旁,
但似乎遠遠的影響著,

Life is without meaning you bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.