I start having strange dreams again, the dream I've been killed by different methods. I still feel that was a vivid dream and I almost lost my breath when I woke up. This time, I was killed on horse by spear stabbing into my heart and I was in General suit about hudrend years ago. Another dream was I was murdered and burried in a discarded or understructured garden. That place was dark and I saw people rebuilding the floor. I followed a guy who was about 32years old, good built but bold and seemed to be my housemate. Afterwards, I was hitted and burried.
- Aug 18 Wed 2004 15:15
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Strange dreams come again!
I start having strange dreams again, the dream I've been killed by different methods. I still feel that was a vivid dream and I almost lost my breath when I woke up. This time, I was killed on horse by spear stabbing into my heart and I was in General suit about hudrend years ago. Another dream was I was murdered and burried in a discarded or understructured garden. That place was dark and I saw people rebuilding the floor. I followed a guy who was about 32years old, good built but bold and seemed to be my housemate. Afterwards, I was hitted and burried.
- Aug 17 Tue 2004 04:24
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每個人的信念系統都被自己的生命故事侷限了
我今天深深的被這句話感動了, 讓我知道為自己活下去的信念!
- Aug 06 Fri 2004 22:22
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Manc Univ (UK) 附近的牙醫讓我心寒!
今天硬著頭皮看牙醫去，原本想說不要到緊要關頭才去看醫生，有問題先處理好。好不容易鼓起勇氣，去看了醫生；檢查結果就說還不是很嚴重，多拖個幾天等痛到不行再來看醫生。他用了一些藥測試看我的疼痛嚴重程度，結論就是多拖個幾天再來看，好像是我去給他鬧場似的。心裡頭是極度的不甘願，難道真要到痛到像出人命一樣才能看醫生嗎？
以前在諾丁漢看醫生，牙醫生的服務好到我沒話說，覺得英國看牙醫是一件享受的事情；到了曼徹斯特，牙醫生像是一個只會坑人錢的冷酷吸血鬼（不只說話態度，還外加面部表情！）上次看的時候還跟我說要收錢，我想說我是學生照理是免額才是，怎收起我錢來了。他只告訴我，要怪就怪英國總理吧！不然你就回你的諾丁漢看你原本大學院內的醫生算了；還外加分析說搭火車多少，又不一定可以退錢。最後還跟我結論一句「時代變化，政策變化；沒有事情是一定的道理。」還好像一付是我找他麻煩。
- Jul 26 Mon 2004 23:37
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A nightmare of teenagers being sex abused
I had a very strange dream that I was in a village as a visitor. That village is an old living style which applied torches for light in the evening. The location seems to be in South East Asia, like in Cambodia. Those people are all non-Chinese look but very Asian face living in straw-built structure. Forest around with the cry of insects. People spoke in different language which I don’t understand. I just know in that dream, women was bullied and humiliated by their tribe leader who is a 50s year old man. He took young lady about teenage as a kind of sacrifice ritual for their god by having sex. He abused this ritual with various excuses to have sex with any young ladies who are from poor family and can’t afford life no mentioni to fight back that leader. I can’t remember the complete dream but several girls were crying and telling me by a certain chronicle memory and images inputting into my head of how they were tortured and those strong sorrow feeling of how cruel it could be was transmitted to me. I could even feel the pain from their bodies and sense that vulnerable, defenseless and fragile sadness from their mind. The final scene before I woke up was a pregnant female in age 17 or 18 who looked dingy in smeared white robe to be sent to cremate her body because she was raped by that tribe leader when she was in pregnancy of week 30s. After the rape or their so-called ritual for god, she was miscarried and I saw her legs open under her robe and had vagina bleeding mixed with other mucus as kind of a running sore festering. She was yelling, shouting, crying out loud and struggling to get rid of four men’s lifting. I could even sense her nervous breakdown and then I woke up with the impression of her open legs with festering in blood and mud.
When having this kind of dream and waking up from such a dream, I don’t feel good and feel sorry for them. This is some dreams that I wonder whether I am sick or my mental ability has problem. Those dreams are so vivid as if I was there and experienced through what people feel. When I was in the dream, I sometimes want to get out of there and was very aware of being in sleep and didn’t want to suffer those dreams to carry on. Last few days, I dreamed that I was about to sleep and had another dream of getting myself out of my dreams. My brain is too active and I want to stop it once a while. Why not having some normal dreams? Or how come I have dreams like this? People are dead, coming back or I am looking for a way to get of the scene in my dream. Do I really sleep?
The image of this young aged raped girl is so strong no to get rid of easily. Her helpless and perplexed look from the expression in her eyes had me like taking the picture of that scene and file in my brain which can’t be deleted. This is a dream in the language that I don’t know and can’t communicate with the people there. Every dream may have its meaning of whatever my mental or physical problem. I wonder whether I am so sick to stop those inerasable scene from my memory or I may even confuse those with movies or reality as if I’ve seen somewhere before.
Maybe I can script for movies and sell it to make good income. Oh, God!!!
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:13
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The Privilege of a Lifetime
Life is without meaning you bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:07
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Life Introspection II
Suddenly, I have deeply feeling that being in life is easy. However, drawing myself out to feel what I am in life is tough. It is a kind of feeling that someone whom we can not be aware of waiting with baited breath to see how/what we are going in life. I also wonder whether it is a framed affairs that we can not foresee. Life may be suffering but I don't regret I am here and still alive. We have no choice unless people end up their life. The more people explore the life, the bitterer they bewilder and suffer.
Sometimes I think the cup is half-empty and other times I think it is half-full. The changes in my mood are the product of my past life, combined with the present and my blur view of the future. If the path that I have walked is controlled by a superior force, I still want to believe that it is a endless amount of paths to choose from. But to find the one that will give me most yields is a tough puzzle. Often I feel I walk ahead blindly. To achieve the things I want most, more happiness and less suffering, I try to use the things I have learnt so far in my short lifetime as my guidance, combined with the common sense of what I may think. To steer clear of all the sunken rocks can not be done. In such a matter we feel that life is just suffering and every time we take is as though a hard hit. But if we open our eyes for all the small things of happiness that surround us, I think we might fool the "superior force" and balance or uneven the scale of life with more happiness than suffering. A flower that just sprung out, a sincere smile of a child, a call from a friend, all these things we can put into our memo, to force out the bad and replace with happiness I am seeking my happiness and hope I am sure in the right path.
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:04
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與前法國房客Ragan的爭論
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:02
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SQ, Values and Religion
I'm not a Chirstian, not a Jew, not a Zoroastrian, no even a Muslim.
I don't belong to the land, or to any known or unknown sea.
Nature can't own or claim me, nor can heaven.
Nor can India, China, Bulgaria,
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:01
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在RUM冰淇淋中與葡萄乾捉迷藏
- Jul 13 Tue 2004 00:00
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Chavi: A Gypsy
Chavi, a gypsy, grew up to be an energetic & lively woman,
who is constantly the center of attention and is very popular among people.
It's apparent from the outset that something about her was odd,
yet this is nothing new but unique to her partner.
