g4chavi的部落格

短短的20分鐘的小憩，已經閃過三個夢了，閉上眼睛看著夢裡的畫面情節速度似乎是如同電視快轉八倍的速度。我記不得前兩個夢，只記的最後一個夢，只因為夢裡的主角跟我有對話互動。地點是在一個舞台劇場，只有幾座頭頂燈光對著我與她，還有一灰白燈光投影於台下，劇場似乎有點沒落，雖無年久失修的場景，但亦無光鮮亮麗的氣派，我想約有五十年左右的歷史劇場了。

這兩天特別累，昨天睡了十多個小時，斷斷續續睡醒，接連發了三個夢，夢裡的對象幾乎是同一組人員，雖然有幾個成員變換，基本成員不變，當然組員沒有一個是我在現實生活中識得的，夢中的地點是同一個地點，是一棟店面公寓大廈，位在路邊，上二樓得靠店面旁的小樓梯，一樓基本是店面，夢裡的一樓是一個相當吵雜的市區攤販處，公寓大樓算是二三十年的大樓。

夢的記憶起點開始於一處從沒去過的山城，雖然之前似乎有發生過什麼事情，自己已經無法記憶山城之前發生的事件了，只記得之前發生得事件是挾帶相當不愉快得情緒。出了山城車站街景路途出現的景色相當破舊，垃圾也四處可在街頭隨處可見，猶如六Ｏ年代的中南美，或是南歐地帶。天氣陰涼，又是接近黃昏時段，這次的夢還有位同性朋友作陪，兩人同出了車站，來了兩個當地似乎認識的兩位男性熟人，人臉輪廓深刻，分別騎了機車來接送我與身旁伴陪的友人；雖然夢醒後才意識到這兩位男性友人在我真實世界是從未遇過的陌生人，可是夢中似乎是相當熟捻的異性友人，來作當地的地陪，仰賴這兩位友人，到了一處自炊的公寓，設備半舊，不過算是能自理生活的臨時公寓。

這夢是上週的，花了快一個星期再忙碌的時間抽空記錄下來。對夢有記憶的開始是在一個像是天黑時刻，空氣間瀰漫著濕氣潮味，四周的景色相當的陰暗，知道自己背對是水泥倉庫邊上的一道牆，看到自己打開倉庫退色灰藍的鐵門，門上接榫都是半鏽色，嘰吱的開門聲，不知為何自己開了那扇門，往地下室的方向往下走去，門裡頭的景色都是透過開了門後的月光和一盞昏黃的路燈，半摸黑的沿著牆壁，稍微能辨識能行走的路徑。

夢裡的我，張開眼所面對的世界從淺溪河底下望上，看到人的腳步經過，水流的漂動與冷卻感讓我打起了冷顫，望上所瞧的人腳底，眼睛一眨也不眨，看著人影晃動，還有眼睛周圍浮動的葉脈、水流線條與斑黃青綠的石頭。一直不知道為什麼自己沒辦法掙脫水底，踏回陸地；接著見著了一個人過來，聽到隔著水聲的一種悉嗦聲響，好似有個人看到水底下瞧人的我，也好似乎她注意到我的存在。

前兩天在夢裡迷了路，又再次到了一個人煙稀少，但是還是有不少屋瓦房舍之處，依稀記得出現在夢裡的景象約是傍晚時刻，大概是天快黑又可見到夕陽的天空，整排房舍都是約日據末民初時刻那般古舊，但似乎是來到了一座空城，偶然間或許見到人影，細看間，人影又消失。

這幾天一直掙扎要不要把第三部寫出來，因為回想夢境時，多半是很痛苦，會把腦中交錯的影像如快速翻閱相本，快速閃動瀏覽過，影像裡還會配上許多心情上不可磨滅的情緒與當時的意境，有時候夢境裡帶的背景音樂還會在耳邊繚繞不停。不知道從幾何時，夢裡常常都會帶著奇奇怪怪的音樂，有時候像是電影特效；每做了一場夢，像是看場電影，融入其中、身歷其境，往往到最後卻無法自然脫離。寫到這兒，我還是花了幾天功夫分批寫了第三部。

點閱──第一部：遇見阿奇／ＡＲＣＨＹ

依舊與過去一樣的入睡，不管如何壓抑控制生活習慣，複雜的夢境總是不停出現，這次做夢沒如過往一般恐懼殺人，也無超高度的殘暴畫面，但是怪異的夢仍就不停。

這幾天接受了Karen的建議，已經減少惡夢的數量與品質，夢境與呈現也不至於像過去般惡劣；但是說完全杜絕沒有也似乎不是一時之間可以就徹底解決。前天的惡夢變得是以歌舞劇也比較幽默詼諧的方式呈現，對入睡的恐懼似乎也逐漸降低，自己也慢慢接受可以提早入睡的習慣，至少是一個好的開端。

Unlike usual, I went to bed earlier, which is around 1:50 am. I know it is not really considered “early” for others, yet it is really early bed time for me. I think I should not resist going to bed early due to the nightmare problem. I should have some faith to sleep early and I would sleep peacefully like a little baby. However, I wonder whether it is a coincidence or I am doomed to have nightmare torture in the past two decades. Once again, nightmare happened and it woke me up over and over again. I am really sick of this kind of torture.

My brain seems to be very active most of time especially sleeping time. Today I had four weird and vivid dream again. I never know how come I could memorise most of my dreams in one night and sometimes I could even write it down. The second dream was about a Russian old lady who looks like around mid 70s telling me that she is my granny. However, I seemed to understand her language (but I know nothing about Russian in reality). There was a theme song as the story background music whilst she was telling me her plain life in the World War II, yet her short marriage was the only thing that she cherished most. She met her husband, whom she called ‘your grand-dad’. Her marriage was sweet but short due to the war. Her husband was died in one mission and never came back. Two of her kids were adopted instead of her blood-relation. During the time she stated her life, she appeared moody; sometimes showed the anger of frustration, but most of her time appeared solemn and scrupulous. After the story, she lost in her memory for a while and told me that she was going to cook me the home-town roasted meat soup.

這幾天夢境又是回歸到戰亂時代的情節，每次做相關戰亂的夢都是荒野跟枯黃的野草；這次的夢境並沒有過往的屠殺過程，只是改換成以生靈塗炭為主場景的情景。夢境的我是約四十歲的中年婦女，夢境的我是飢餓交寒，相倚逃難的災民與我在草地中翻找可食的根莖類蔬果充飢；夢中的我那付飢寒的惶恐與憤世模樣，讓我不禁震驚那付厭惡自我的求助臉龐，泥濘的身軀與焦黃的臉色，求的只是一頓溫飽。

英文譯者：M C Balfour, 1894
中文譯者：陳祺昀，2006

Somehow waking up with deep feelings of sorrow and resentful is complex, yet it is how I felt this midnight. I went to bed early tonight due to little sleep yesterday. Quickly I fell into sleep but was waked up by a loud and serious argument from the neighbour downstairs. I have been very upset with the downstairs since the first day of moving in --- shouting and loud music with strong bass. Asking the hall manager to deal with does not have much change.

Yesterday I had a difficult sleep. The sleeping quality is quite bad and woke up with unusual fear. My mind was occupied with the view in the dream and the reality. I couldn't tell the reality and was difficult to distinguish the location where I really exist. The dreadful feelings made my heart pounding with fright. I seemed to be in somniloquy but I was not sure whom I was talking to. The fear was from a war aura and I heard the scream from an aged 30-40 years old woman shouting out her kids to hide in a bomb shelter.

As usual, nightmare is like my daily tour and is evitable, no matter whether I'd like to have or not. I often taunt myself as a haunted person. My friends know that I have been suffering from nightmare issues, which take place over a decade. Sometimes I wrote down my nightmare as a play script, and sometimes I wrote it down as a kind of prophecy, which is related to people I am familiar with. I hardly dream of friends or relatives. Most of faces I met in my dreams are strangers or the dead who do not have a whole or complete body structure. The dead in the dream I met are often have rotten parts, which seem to be the fetal injure or the cause of the death.